I got accepted into Texas A&M University. Which is great because I am for sure am going there. I am glad this year is almost over.
Below is not for reading it is my rantish thingy:
It has been hard. I know I am always complaining but jeesh this year really sucked. I miss my old friends so much. I know I made some new ones but I would have felt better graduating last year. I have a major case of senioritis. I am so sick of everything. I hate going to school and see no point in it.
I am looking forward to next year. I want to leave everything behind. I have been feeling like a slave so much this year. Its not even like I have a refuge. I can not hide, and eveyone is always fighting that there is no place to go. I really need someone I can cry to. I know things will not necessarily improve but it is a much needed change.
I know whenever I get into these moods people ask did I take my medication and yes I have. Its just too much. Last year I felt at least like I was a person this year I feel like a thing. I crave so much more attention. I am looking for something but what it is, will not be what I want.
My heart still feels broken and that was forever ago. How long does it take to get over someone? I feel like I lost everything I held dear. I want to run away and I am being held back. I dont even feel like I have anything to look foward to.
I don't even understand all these emotions and they probably are tied with leaving and being burnt out. But I feel punished for trying. I am sick of getting rejected. The thing is I think I will fail. I am in for one of the hardest years of my life and I will miss a lot of school next year due to holidays. If it wasn't hard enough. What if I made a mistake. Will I do ok in college. I want something that I feel recognized in. I know it is selfish but I want something. I am sick of working for nothing. I know you dont do it for a reward but I want one. I want to at least be told I did not screw everything up. I guess I feel like Andi in The Devil Wears Prada but it is hard. No matter how hard its never enough.
I need to get away. I need a place where I can find some type of "happiness" I know I will never fit in, nor will I truley be happy because it is not my nature. I am fighting with a friend right now. The thing is he hurt me so badly and wont even relize it. I am breaking down. I no longer want to forgive people I am sick of everything. I just want this year to end.
If you actually read this it will be completely illogical but its my emotions. I am just trying to release them here so it will stop hurting so badly. I know I should be happy but it is hard. | 
